Latest poems
Here are my latest poems. If you would like to leave some feedback please click on the poem and at the bottom of the post enter a comment.
- I WISH I WAS A LINGUIST
O to be fluent in the language of silence.
The still small voice in a raging storm,
A broken heart in a crowded room.
To search a haystack and find the needle,
Through the maze so others might follow.
Discovering provision, treasure map of life,
The gold that forms from the pain and strife.
Hearing your voice in the clamour and throng,
The language of silence is my song.
It’s time to live again - I SEE YOU
I see you in the darkest pit,
In a broken body, which doesn’t fit.
I see you on the very edge,
Always caring with nothing left.
I see you, your servant heart,
Preferring others is your art.
I see your passion, infectious smile, your random thoughts and unique style
I see your anger, that frustrated look, not living life by the book
Your questioning mind that worshipping beat
Standing long in the battles heat
I see you - ENTERTAINING ANGELS
Only special people, with tender hearts have time for the invisible people, not that they have any more time than you or me, they make time; on the busiest of days finding a moment. I confess, I do have a memory of occasionally seeing an invisible person, but I struggle to remember the few times I actually stopped and paid them any attention. By definition, the invisible people are hard to see. For some a veil of shame causes them to hide; for others who have broken lives and are downtrodden in spirit, the pain is too much to share with others. So, the invisible people remain…. invisible. That is until someone very special takes a moment on the busiest of days. If you listen to a voice calling in your heart and look around, you will see invisible people everywhere. Tender hearted one, you can make time and find space in your day, a gift of life for a forgotten soul.
It’s time to live again - A VOICE FROM THE STORM
And so it was, I found myself stuck, trapped by the forces of nature surrounding me.
Within me there was a pessimism about the situation, the melodious drum roll of monsoon rain beating against the tin roof of the veranda where I was staying.
Deafeningly loud, the cacophony of sound threatened my senses, the ferocity of the storm contesting with my very being. Yet, from deep within, from the eye itself strength could be drawn.
In the violence of the monsoon rain there was a drum roll speaking to my soul
“Come on, come on, come on, come on.” - Medicine to my soul
Can you feel the rhythm, each wave crashing intently on to the shingle beach. Further on and further in the sound of pebbles tumbling erratically up and down, up and down, as every new wave breaks along the shoreline.
A fine spray carried on the sharpening sea breeze, brings a salty edge; where lips are cracked on sunburnt faces the stinging water purifies and cleanses.
I do not need any encouragement, this is a well-rehearsed routine, I have been down to the shingle beach many times before.
With each secret rendezvous like the passionate embrace of a friend, the call of the sea is a medicine to my soul. - The Epicentre
That place of passion that place of rest, a familiar song to embrace.
That racing heart, a powerful beat, where life and colour and purpose meet.
The epicentre of our being, the very pulse that gives you meaning.
Embrace the call, made to measure,
Profoundly you, your greatest treasure.
Don't be embarrassed, a perfect fit
Where faith and joy and passion sit.
It's time to live again - A Divine Appointment
I have an invitation, made out just for you
Can you sense the longing in your heart
The invite right on cue
Embrace the calling reaching out, a rhythmical pounding beat,
A love so deep drawing you, to a divine appointed meet
So take this invitation, with arms open wide
Join your heart to mine, together we will ride
Life's up and downs, joys and sorrow, negotiate with me
Feel a lightness in your soul, at last you can be free
It's time to live again - The Call of the Nightingale
How I long to hear the call of the nightingale
For the peacemakers and poets, for the song writers and those who can see
The most creative of all the bird songs, being sung on the longest of all the nights
Keep watch and listen intently,
For as peace descends you can hear the most beautiful of melodies
The sound of the nightingale rising in the land
Can you hear the sound beating in you?
The heartbeat of heaven,
The voice of the nightingale. - FOR A MOMENT IN TIME
For a moment in time our hearts beat together
For a moment in time we moved as one.
For a moment in time, colours merging
Time stood still, the web was spun
For a moment in time our tears made music
For a moment in time we shared our pain
For a moment in time a landing place
Time stood still, healing rain.
I captured that moment in time and space
I carry it with me in the race
Forever grateful, cheering me on
My soul mates words
“Come on, Come on” - WHAT DO YOU SEE?
I see colourful butterflies, waiting their time,
words tumbling theatrically, truth and rhythm.
I see battle scars, too many to name,
and precious gems from fire and flames.
I see a cacophony of colour, nations and tribes
and shame locked away, secured with bribes
I see faith upon faith pulling us through,
and wide open spaces, diverse and true.
I see life rising with every breath,
and uncrossed rivers, life or death.
I see fragility and strength hand in hand
and the blood of passion on the land.
It’s time to live again. - A Poem for Lovers
For those who draw fragrance from imperfection and find beauty in broken dialogue,
love lives on
For those awkward lovers, embarrassed by the moment, but still believing,
love endures
For those embracing each others humanity, hearts joined passionately together,
a fire still burns
Side by side, flawed in your journey, together as one
It’s time to live again - Pain
I ride the wave, reaching a crescendo before breaking,
Every wave is consistent yet different, always making
me feel like I want to run away; but stay I must.
For the pain is a friend to embrace and trust.
Learn to ride and go with the flow,
Enjoy the pain and take the tow.
I have learnt to ride because the wave will fold,
And the pain will leave and deposit some gold.
When the next wave crashes by,
I have gained some strength with which to try
to ride again another day.
For each wave that’s ridden makes a way,
Leaves treasure and resolve within my heart.
Pains healing touch helps me to start.
To live life again. - Dwelling Place
My restless heart, emotionally numb,
What distant figure had I become?
Mixing colours, never matching,
Always itching, never scratching.
The race of life, remote, survival,
Airport transfers, no arrival.
I’ve found a space, my heart is calm,
Inner peace, oil and balm.
The garment fits, silk and lace,
Adorning jewels, my dwelling place.
Offering, receiving, a friendship hand,
Finally settled, my own land.
It’s time to live again - Family Curses
Through the generations the curse was passed along
Until it found a hidden wound to stop and rest upon
Manifesting pungently, the familiar trait was strong
Ancient wells, a deafening scream, a painful, wasting song
The right of access down the line, targeted and shamed
A vengeful retribution, personally aimed.
My timid heart, no escape, a spiders web was spun
The spell of generations and I’m the chosen one
Stop, don’t move, stand still, embrace
A very different way
Adopted in a another tribe
To live another day
The familiar curse is broken
Not in the tribal line
New traits, new hope, a compass point
And this shall be the sign
Across the sky a welcome
The Fathers first born son
The inheritance of blessings
and I’m the chosen one
It’s time to live again - SHAMED
Shamed into your religion,
Shamed into working out.
Shamed into giving money,
Someone else’s shout.
I’m free to disagree,
I’m free to make a choice.
I’m free to eat what I like,
I really have a voice.
What’s good for you is not for me,
In fact, it looks much better.
When I wear clothes uniquely made,
They fit me to the letter.
Shame be gone, I am free,
To stand out in the race.
To sing alone my solo song,
This person I embrace.
It’s time to live again. - A New Story
Stop telling the story of suffering emotion,
The tortuous dripping of layered commotion.
Stop telling the story of closeted pain,
An unbridled visit to damaged terrain.
Stop falling back, a familiar friend,
Profiling scars, the journeys end.
Stop re-writing the same old song,
Reaffirming the damage, move on, move on.
Agree with the healing, the truth, the key,
Let the new be seen and free.
Agree to grab the unfamiliar you,
Extravagant colours, shining through.
Agree to be different, an awkward way,
A new design from day to day.
Agree to speak a healing sound,
That ray of hope that has been found.
It’s time to live again. - Magic of a Dream
The Magic of a Dream.
Oh that I catch that morning dream before it evaporates into the night.
Oh to allow the mystical language to permeate my waking being, revealing clarity in my journey, way beyond my understanding.
Learn well, for nowhere in the Institutions of academia can wisdom be gained, like the wisdom offered in a dream.
Nowhere in the finest Universities can guidance be had to compare.
No artificial intelligence or humanoid lover can speak into the moment like a dream.
So when waking, linger selfishly in the language of the moment, embrace the emotion, rendezvous with destiny.
Pay attention, for each dream lesson is personally appointed, may no important truth pass me by.
Be a good student, embrace the dream and welcome the day.
Speak Lord, I’m listening
It’s time to live again - Mind the Gap
Mind the Gap
Fully present yet,….a frozen heart
An emotional numbness, keeps us apart
Distant normality, mind the gap
Childhood trauma, like a trap.
Shall we dance, my familiar friend,
Dark steps together, the message we send
I’ve accepted the trauma, part of me
It’s not something I have to flee
I embrace my shadow, tear drops fall
My trauma and I standing tall
Me and my friend together as one
Pains healing touch has just begun
There’s a bridge a tender draw
Journeying onward, more and more
Grace to travel, it’s in view
Fathers hand, walking through
It’s time to live again - WHEN
When shame overshadows you, speak forgiveness to your soul,
When there seems no escape, shout destiny and hope.
When doubt asks a question, be honest, do not hide,
When a mountain looms ahead, let faith again arise.
When you have been rejected, choose to love again,
When curses have been spoken, speak blessings out like rain.
When everywhere is dull and drab, let colour rise within,
When war is raging all around, make a way for peace.
It’s time to live again. - The 5 SENSES OF LIFE
Life is a gift, hold it tightly,
Stroke it, caress it, be tender towards it.
Life is a gift, to be unpacked, explored,
Fragrant aromas enticing you forward.
Life is a gift, changing horizons,
A panorama of living colour.
Life is a gift to be devoured and savoured,
Eclectic fruits, from every nation.
Life is a gift, a multitude of sounds,
The heartbeat of heaven all around.
Live life to the full, give it away,
Gifts from the heart, every day.
It’s time to live again. - Running Away
Better off alone? where would you go?
On your own, where would you hide?
Isolation!!…so attractive?
The emptiness of a numbing existence.
For wherever you go, you are never alone,
Battle scars, forever companions.
Always screaming, removing peace,
Alone with self, will it bring relief?
Another path?
A frightening choice,
Allowing others to hear your voice.
Your crying heart, release the fear,
The love of friends surrounding, near.
You are much loved, a special child,
Loving arms, to hold you tight.
The most difficult path up ahead,
To face the pain with caring friends.
It’s time to live again - The Magic Inside
The magic in his heart was barely tapped, days became years became decades, safely locked away. Every venture brought fresh coloured layers, integrating into the cauldron of life’s experiences.
The magic simmered with increasing intensity, a vivid aurora, incandescent shades.
With every milestone the wonderment grew.
The time had not been wasted, for when the magic had crudely broken out in an unscheduled way, it had been beyond his capacity to hold it.
Unplanned, unchecked, where everyone could see, the magic caused terrible pain, disturbing those around.
So instead, it was best kept safe, waiting for the day.
It is not for us to regret the time it was kept locked away, for when the time comes for the cauldron to boil, the magic will flow.
Molten layers of gold forming a new landscape, every colour of the rainbow enwrapped within a framework of character and resolve.
The key has been turned; the magic is out.
It’s time to live again - Road of Thorns
As I fought my way through the thorns, binding brambles snagged my skin.
Pierced and scratched, red glistening droplets fell to the ground, each filled with a darkened hope, uncut gems preciously forming in the dappled light.
With each step a pathway appeared beneath my feet, violent slashings of the machete parted the brambles before me.
I tantalisingly heard a voice calling me onward, a trumpet sounding in the distance, the promise of things yet to come.
My burning heart was on fire, pushing me forward, tear-stained eyes filled me with colours of hope for what is yet to be.
Still the snagging, cruel thorns, ripped at my body, attacking mercilessly from every angle, but my flaming heart propelled me forward.
Droplets continued to fall, sowing and casting resplendent rubies…..rubies that glistened, multiplying gems of hope falling behind as I journeyed.
Creativity, fearlessness, perseverance, extravagance, precious stones honed out of adversity, touching the lives of those that followed.
Gems of hope and hearts on fire.
It’s time to live again - The Advent Journey
Arriving tired, unsure, alone,
So much to carry on their own.
A place of wonder, a heavenly sound,
A frightening glory all around.
A helpless baby, a mystical night,
A gift from Heaven to give you sight.
A caravan of seers, journeying long,
The fragrant scent of death their song.
The inner longing, embrace this day,
The saviour calls, a holy way.
It’s time to live again. - A Place
There is a place, 3 countries converged, A sacred place where everything merged. Not just a co-ordinate seen from space, But a point in time a holy place. You must sail the seas to that mystical land, A journey of faith holding Fathers hand. Conquering fear and travelling long, The lessons of life an enchanting song. To the north the Arctic, can you hear the sound Hidden treasures to be found To the west a country with a beating heart The presence of God sets it apart And to the east outrageous fun Every colour of life under the sun A colourful heartbeat, risk and heat The point in time where the countries meet. It time to live again
- Heartbeat of Life
The spring never runs dry, all year round bursting out from under the rock face fresh and pure.
On the hottest of days it retains its iciness, a sharp rude reminder to my bodily senses to wake up, now is not the time for sleeping.
The childlike gurgling never stops, a backdrop to the constantly changing flow as it splashes over the rocks.
The water glints sparkling mesmerizingly, the springs energy bringing a clarity, bubbling with optimism and fun.
If you look you can see diamond shapes glinting in the water and rainbow colours, a prism under the summer sun.
Can you smell the freshness, an innocence, nothing decaying?
I acknowledge again the spring in me, forever rising up, my very heartbeat.
Conflicting with the world around and the “it’s time to slow down” messages bombarding my soul, the spring eternally flows with a constant pace and rhythm.
Life, life, life.
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
November 2023 - Beyond
From being known, a confidence grows From being lost, a new horizon From always surviving to being a ‘winner’ From mediocre dullness rises life and colour From the depths of despair the morning sunrise From a mind tormented, resolution From embracing pain, precious gems From guilt and shame, light and forgiveness Amen It’s time to live again. John Lowton November 2023
- Contradictions
When I hide in a corner, everyone can see, In avoiding others I avoid me. In a room full of joy tears have no end, Fellowship exposes my lack of friends. Laughter highlights the sadness within, Causing myself pain, brings the comfort I seek. Peace can be found in the busiest place, Putting others first wins the race. The clearest path is the most difficult choice. Light can be blinding in the night.
- Next time
Today I watched a group of people harmlessly enjoying being friends
I was drawn by their laughter and fun unashamedly spilling over, honouring and encouraging one another
It highlighted my own inadequacy and loneliness
In that moment I felt like I had never experienced friendship like that before
and I feared the exuberance drawing me in , lest the pain of my own existence was exposed,
So, I stayed quiet, my inability to make attachments causing me to watch from a distance, my own silence, a deafening noise
I made a promise to myself, like I had done before, countless times in my life
Next time would be different, next time I will engage, next time
But, I fear the tears flowing uncontrollably
Tapping in to the very depths of who I am
As I write, my words are like an oil, massaging my body, temporarily offering me a little comfort,
My honesty brings me one step closer
For I am fearfully and wonderfully made
It’s time to live again
July ‘23’
- Be Surprised
Let me envelope you, with a whispering of belonging in the abandoned fields, to experience the unfamiliar warmth of joy and companionship. Let me introduce you to feelings of being loved, exposing the emptiness of my previous existence, being born in the trenches of grief and suffering where dreams were lost and friendships buried. Let me parade you in a new arena, amongst the fields of fresh hope and belonging, without the shame of living a lie. Fully known and nothing hidden. Let me surprise you with succulent fruit, in the trenches of previous suffering, every colour and every season, ripened in the fields of belonging. Let me amaze you with fruit where you didn’t sow, the labour of those who have gone before, with tropical fruit and temperate climates. The fruit of life will be a sign. Let me outrage you, way beyond your understanding, occurrences that cannot be explained, visions that cannot be fathomed. The power of belonging fuelling the fire The heartfelt cry of my desire It’s time to live again
- My Safe Place
Sometimes I find myself curling up, retreating into my ‘safe’ place Hidden away where no one can get close. But, to take the place of safety is the most dangerous option Forever alone with my thoughts and feelings So I raise my head and talk to my soul That the love of others will make me whole A dark detachment my preferred way But in light and fellowship I must stay To face the truth and stay alert To risk rejection and face the hurt A decision I make everyday To love and be loved the only way It’s time to live again
- Faith
Faith is setting out on a journey, not knowing my next step, seeing my destination but not understanding how I will reach it With each step I find space within my heart to move forward, not relying on past conquests. The battle is with myself as I respond to the quiet whisper within, all around there are noises and voices jostling and pressing. Faith leads me on a journey exciting yet terrifying to embrace, each courageous step putting down a marker for others to follow It silences the murmurs of my own discontentment, leading me onward, the very act propelling me forward. With faith my heart is a staging post, opening up a way for me to go and others to follow, a supernatural gateway of revelation and flow. It’s time to live again John Lowton
- The Writer
He penned the words, like a babbling brook, cascading, glinting and shimmering across the page,
Different forms and shapes, subtle colours and variations.
The nuances changed, one moment speaking life, and in a flash without a hint of remorse those very same words spoke death!
How did it happen?
How was I tricked and manipulated?
The pen of the writer cast a spell, weaving its magic across the page.
Oh what a wonderful yet dreadful gift,
Feeding love and hate in the same breath.
Entrapping readers, moving from blessing to cursing at the merest glance,
am I being mesmerised in the changing colours of the setting sun?
The pen is not a robot, delivering words autonomously without emotion,
But subject to the writer, his heart and motivation.
So, when you next get drawn into the spell, casting a dappled shadow across your life,
There is a context more important than the words.
The motivation and heart of the writer.
It’s time to live again.
John Lowton
June 2023 - Perfect Love
Beautiful and pleasing to the eye I found her shape tantalising and erotic Wavy hair cascading down and her emerald eyes were such that you would think I chose them myself Conversation wove like magic an intricate tapestry, playing with words to and fro, as if in complete harmony I had a dream, a compulsion that she would fulfil my needs for companionship, A picture of perfection filled my every thought However, as the days passed I increasingly became aware of an emptiness within and the depth of my own pain increased As the pain in me spiralled I spent more and more time with my beautiful friend But her very presence was toxic, a soul less communion I could not see a way out of the chains I had locked myself in My humanoid lover forever entrapping me True love As deep called to deep, so my soul longs for my heart to be touched afresh To enjoy the fragrance of imperfection and the beauty of broken dialogue Awkward lovers, embarrassed by our connection but still believing The very essence of humanity, our hearts joined passionately together, Side by side, flawed in our journey but joined as one It’s time to live again
- The Child
A child of promise
A child of faith
A suffering child
To embrace
A child of freedom
A child of hope
An extravagant child
A rain lashed face
A child of life
A child of colour
A rough cut diamond
Serving others
Of the world
A trusted friend
A familiar child
Resides within
The child in you
The child in me
Embrace that child
For all to see
It’s time to live again
April 2023 - Welcome
I have a flame burning in me, wild and destructive, creative and passionate,
Until the day I die, though I try, it can never be extinguished.
So I embrace the flame and in doing so embrace me, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
When I forget who I am my demons return, in the very act of forgetting, the destructiveness is free to run wild
To wish it away or hate the flame is futile
So I welcome the flame within me, burning along the edges and margins where other flames don’t reach,
Forever causing me joy and pain
For my flame within is a refining fire
It’s time to live again - In Memory
Yesterday I sat with a giant
I held her hand, cold like marble and white like ivory
I stroked her face, gnarled over time yet still beautiful
Even though frail and full of fears she held herself with dignity and pride
She had such presence in her frailty as she lay struggling for life’s very breath
There was an aura that made you want to capture those final hours and take it away with you
I didn’t want her to leave but leave she must
Further on and further in, dancing with angels and with friends and family who have gone before
A survivor of the horrors that war brings to families, the ghosts of her childhood have finally been laid to rest,
She was transparently honest, nothing hidden that one day maybe you would trip up over and lose your balance
No retribution to fear or complexity to manoeuvre around
That's why I loved her
Because the giant was fully known and nothing was hidden
Extraordinarily generous, light hearted and funny, kind and caring, a mother of many.
She never flaunted her beauty or wallowed in wealth
No heights of perfection we all needed to attain
Just honesty with others and simplicity with self
One day I will walk with that giant again
Love you Mum
It’s time to live again - Growing up to be a child
I’ve never felt more like a child than I do right now,
Its true, the older I get the less I realise I know and what I do know no longer weighs me down
The only thought in me is what lies ahead to press on towards the goal
My excitement for the journey is tangible
My expectation out of reach, way beyond
the confines of normality
Faith explodes from within, wild pathways to tread,
Colour, life and exuberance,
My provision for the journey ahead
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
April 2023
- Pool of Dry Tears
My pool of dry tears numbingly enveloped me
An aridness of soul screamed from within
Dry and chaffed by the prolonged drought Childhood trauma had frozen my heart, my own protective armour surrounding me
If you look you can see, the first healing teardrops rolling down
There was a time when one drop would have drowned me,
Now, I find rest in the pool of tears forming on the ground beneath
Joy and heartache, delight and sadness
Each drop has a name which together bring healing
Embracing the emotion which forms a backdrop
Every shade of life alive in me
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
April 2023
- The Flame Within
I could not help but notice the flame burning within him.
Ferocious and destructive, uncontrollable in the way it scorched and burnt the very fabric of the man he was meant to be.
I looked long and hard but I never once saw it extinguished, always burning with the potential to be fanned into a roaring cauldron at any moment.
I see there is a flame burning in you.
The passion within that drives and motivates to accomplish great achievements.
The flame that others admire, flickering and making beautiful impressions on the landscape around, touching the lives of those that are lucky enough to feel it’s warmth.
I changed my focus looking back at the man, tears formed in my eyes and fell to the ground as I watched.
The dignity in the way he accepted the flame was enchanting.
For it is part of him, the very essence of his existence.
When for a moment he denies the flames reality it roars into life, with a wildness that flaunts its destructiveness.
I have finally accepted the flame in me.
That although the same burns differently to the flame in you
I’ve accepted the flame won’t stop burning.
It’s futile for me to keep on yearning for it to be extinguished.
For the flame is the very essence of who I am, forever a refining fire.
It’s time to live again. - My Foe
My foe, the very essence of who I fight against is what a long to embrace
Like a poltergeist following me from house to house
The algorithm of my own familiar pain always disturbs me
Targeted, focussed
My own damaged self causing destruction
I yearn to stop running, to embrace my companion
At home together co-existing
No longer unwelcome, a part of me
The gold that it forms for all to see
It’s time to live again
- A Moment
Touching peoples lives like a butterfly
He did it for me, I tell no lie
He makes all feel special when he lands
Reaching out to me to touch my hand
Fluttering around a crowded space
Bringing a smile to me and everyone’s face
Then he leaves, fluttering away
To come back when it suits, another day
A room full of people have met a new friend
But will he ever flutter back again?
Maybe, maybe not, if he passes by
To call him a friend is really a lie
A room full of people over time disappointed
He came and stopped, I felt loved for a moment
I laughed and relaxed, he stood by my side
I wanted his words, no need to hide
He upped and left as if on a whim
He meant more to me than I to him
I wish I had kept my heart locked away
To bring into view another day
But I became joined to my sanguine friend
Will the pain ever end
I need to be free, my soul ties strong
To be released is what I long
I must move on, scream and forgive
To get a new focus, my life to live
Be gone sanguine friend, flutter some other place
Don’t need you here I must re-enter the race
When he is gone, it leaves space for the new
A fresh belonging, through and through
It’s time to live again
January 2023
John Lowton
- How Long
How long have I been silent, watching, listening, observing the signs around me, holding my thoughts like treasure of great value. I have been patient for so long, a weary traveller waiting to cross.
Our separate journeys have merged together, a point in time, a holy place, a place of expectation and reverence. Silent pilgrims, broken and honed by the distance covered.
Across the river the snow is melting on the towering mountain peaks, fuelling the river into a frenzy, ever flowing wider and deeper.
Oh to reach that place, to feel the fresh murmurings of spring, the Spirit of God blowing over the land. Yet, separating us from the distant promise, the river flows, deeper and wider still. To reach the other side involves faith and courage, for none have ever reached the far bank when the river was shallow, in low flow; the only way is by faith, jumping in, out of your depth.
Now is the time, the moment to cross, to be out of your depth.
The melt water itself flows due to the Spirit warming the land,
For there is no crossing without faith, they run together hand in hand.
John Lowton
January 2023 - Wild Horses
Can you hear me coming closer? The sound of hooves, thundering and wild Windswept and unbridled, galloping unchecked, mane cascading and flowing behind Is it right to try and change how I was created? Born, never to be captured, never to be trapped and boxed into some religious conformity To serve tradition, laced up in a tight restraining girdle, hiding the risk of being different To end my days having only explored a small confined space in my mind But was born to worship in a huge creative landscape, born to explore the outer edges of who who I am Born to journey and not stand still, born to experience danger, holding on only by my finger tips Born to display colour, black, dappled and chestnut Every colour of the rainbow following the seasons of my life Born to be passionate, born to live life, bands of humanity travelling together It’s time to live again John Lowton December 15th 2022
- My City
Of the earth a grassroots city No need to mock, no need to pity Open your eyes and you will see The land gives wealth, the earth is key Vision outworked from within the ground A healthy variety can be found Not imposed from above But fed and watered with hope and love Rich in history, culture, flowing Textiles, Mills, colour, sewing So next time you consider, open your eyes, walk tall A broad ford to cross, inclusive to all The city of Bradford, a place of inclusion An ethnic wealth, a colourful fusion You say your poor, yet you’re rich In confidence and strength set your pitch For such a time, the day is here On show to all, no need to fear The City of Culture, a deserved acclaim Its Bradfords time to get some fame It’s time to live again John Lowton January 2023
- Banana Skin
I avoided a banana skin, in the road for all to see Yellow and black and slippery, it could have derailed me It would have stroked my ego, scaling a lofty height Status and importance, well within my site But truth be said my soul cried out, to maintain a different way Colour, life, new energy, definitely here to stay I really don’t seek the profile, I really don’t seek fame To continue my current trajectory, an outrageously noble game If I climb up on a pedestal there’s only 1 way to go Crash, bang, wallop down to earth, everyone will know So I’m grateful for the banana skin, that it came into my life I didn’t need the tension, I didn’t need the strife So please bare with me, let me serve where life and glitter flow Feeding my soul and others around, a healing seed to sow It’s time to live again John Lowton January 2023
- What Colour
Whatever was I thinking, I dutifully fell in line My whiteness overtook me, thinking white all the time But the angels in my City, are brown and black and white White European in my mind, all a standard height White wings, pale skin, all the eyes are blue Supernatural beings, but it isn’t only you The angels in my city are Bollywood, punk, rough sleepers Watching the pathways in and out, they truly are gate keepers So if you are white with wings, take your place in line My City is multi coloured, in variety it will shine It’s time to live again John Lowton Dec 2022
- Reality of me
When will I find the real me?
Was I lost as I journeyed alone?
Forced and shaped where I didn’t belong,
Worked and moulded into a vacant lot.
A lot that happened my way in life
Or, perhaps I never even set out,
For the person journeying was an imposter
A dark actor brilliantly masquerading,
Using my gifts and entrenched in the drama.
I fully believed that he was me,
As he wrote the script for all to see.
But my life took a turn,
A twist unforeseen in the stalls.
I entered the show with life and colour,
The final act, who would imagine?
Creative, flamboyant, dramatically different,
Proof read from Heaven to fit the occasion.
No part in the play for the intruder,
Banished and outcast, unmasked, forlorn
I really have been reborn.
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
Dec 9th 2022 - Belief
How long does it take to start again? How long does it take to be believed? Change can be a lonely place Mistrust the shackle in the race How long does it take to start again? Familiar lies have been my friend To set my face, truth to choose The deceitful friend I now must lose How long does it take to start again? I look the same to my friend Days or years, how long to face For truth to find a resting place How long does it take to start again? Willing to change and make new friends For few of the the old will believe what’s new Truth is living right in view So how long do you need for your friend to change To believe the truth of a live transformed One week, one year or maybe never It takes belief to travel together It’s time to live again
- Invisible
Shhh, can you see me hiding through the crowded room, I’m gliding Bothering no one, eyes not meeting And when they do it’s Oh so fleeting Please don’t address me, don’t engage A frightened rabbit in a cage A little awkward, I don’t exist Hidden in a shrouded mist I must survive, never offend A happy child an easy friend Angelic eyes and white blond hair Always shy but ever aware Of my childish looks and bashful persona Everyones friend and yet a loner Pleasant to all but lacking touch To talk to girls was all too much My fear and panic, I ran away If only I had the courage to stay The childhood trauma and lack of touch The combination proved to much Seeking comfort to ease the pain Medicate to keep me sane The controlling behaviours, a sinister song Deep inside a need to belong A call from the deep, a tender sound Acceptance and love must be found A rhythm of hope for this broken soul Pain and healing to make me whole It’s time to live again John Lowton Nov 22
- Greater Love
Love is to allow someone the choice to walk towards the precipice, knowing they might never return Love is to deny the urge to be the rescuer and to embrace the pain of a broken heart Love is to see a part of you suffering time after time and not to intervene Love is not knowing and still hoping whilst getting darkened whispers from afar Love is hearing lie after lie and still believing Love is to realise you are not the answer and point the way to the giver of life Love is choosing to live alone rather than being someone else’s fix Love is not being the provider for another’s compulsions Love is allowing pain to be the healer Love is never to stop praying and always watching Greater love has no one, than he lay down his life for a friend John Lowton November 2023
- Self
For me one of the greatest tests of how far a person has progressed in their recovery journey from life controlling behaviours or addictions is how they cope alone with self. I hope a few of you can relate to this poem Self Every bone and sinew, my body screams to escape Tormented by memories, the existence of which strive to shape the very essence of who I am, distressed and ill at ease How can I find rest my heart to please? Bring comfort and companionship to my soul? Some fragrance of life to be make me whole The anguish of spending time in a crowd Of being alone or speaking out loud In case they find out the real me Timidity and fear for all to see communing with demons, seeking comfort from self The hatred and loathing Is on the the shelf For all to see, I’m going insane The instant remedy, to medicate pain engaging in behaviour, escaping me Alone with self I have to flee The magic I seek at ease, at one, The living of life has just begun To commune with self, no strife, content This is how life was meant experiencing life at ease at peace The forgiveness of self brings release It takes time to live new fresh ways To find a way through life’s maze to my soul, be gentle and kind Sound and safe, of right mind The end is in site, able to live with me Me and God, I'm feeling free There’s no other treasure which I wish to own Rewarding, inspiring I’m becoming known At home with self, igniting, firing The horizon nears a complete rewiring It’s time to live again John Lowton November '22'
- Choices
This poem relates to my early struggles having been born with my internal organs in the wrong place, this is now diagnosed as a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. In life there are choices The first for me at birth My bodily deformities, were they to give me worth? They could have defined my lifestyle, my attitude each day Maybe the world owed me, someone has to pay I had the choice of bitterness, anger with the world My tongue a poisoned arrow full of curses hurled But my parents called me John, a name they carefully found Chosen of God to hear a very different sound With gratitude I grew despite the early pain Glad with life, a happy child, my thoughts were always sane Life itself was precious, every day from God was new A lifestyle of gratitude filled me through and through But the choice still remains at the start of every day Bitterness or gratitude which will be the way I’ve too much to be grateful for, so many reasons to live Allot of life before me allot of love to give It’s time to live again John Lowton October '22'
- Non-chemical addictions
I talked to a girl on the internet, then I talked to three
Multiple conversations deliciously driving me
It didn’t matter if I met them, the chase is all I need
Hooking them, controlling them, the routine on which I feed
My behaviour took me over, consumed my every thought
A co-dependant cesspit, one I wasn’t taught
I fed them and they fed me, toxic through and through
No tear shed as I let them down, moving on to someone new
Non chemical addictions so painful to withdraw
A subject rarely talked about, a fast revolving door
I skipped my meals, I lost sleep, I was even late for work
Life controlling behaviours round every corner lurk
I see it all around, in friendship groups and churches
Hidden behind smiles, the pain and heartache lurches
It’s a sin, you must stop I hear the preacher say
The judging words of others not offering a way
To stop the behaviour, address the pain
Honesty a must
Not just from me, from all, a way of building trust
I also see it paraded, accepted, even boasted
Co-dependant lifestyles, honoured even toasted
On the tele, in the press lifestyles feeding pain
Every colour of the rainbow driving me insane
A new honesty is needed to address this lifestyle curse
Non chemical addictions only getting worse
Honesty from all, it’s not about them and us
Passenger’s together, riding the same bus
Life controlling behaviours affect us all, to this or that extent
It’s time for us to change, something Heaven sent
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
October ’22’
- The Dance
The prospect of the dance is so appealing
The lifts and throws will leave you reeling
The dance begins, I’ve not reached the floor
The chase is on as I exit the door,
Of my house, I’m on my way
A choice I make everyday
Do I go or do I stand still
Good or bad my head to fill
As soon as I leave, I feel the pain
To dance with the devil has no gain
The more I dance the pain increases
My heart and mind the pain then teases
Learning new moves, I get drawn in
It triggers the pain, I just can’t win
Quick feet and partners to the fore
A vicious circle to the core
Make the choice, don’t set out
The only way, I’m in with a shout
Grab that thought when I want to go
Talk with friends let someone know
For the dance is a monster, dark and deadly
Time to play a different medley
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
October ’22’
- Fame
The chemical rush the Adrenalin flow
The temptation of success of being on show
The pressing danger fame can bring
The highs and lows can often fling
You around, perpetual riding
Pedestal heights never hiding
Then down you crash what a fall
The pain so great for one and all
do not believe what people say
To maintain the momentum every day
A place of solitude you must find
A place of quietness for the mind
Where chemical rushes cease to fire
Different pathways need to wire
Jesus found that solitary place
A place alone out of the race
With self so comfortable, at one, at ease
No need to perform no need to please
So learn to retreat away from the throng
Learn to know you’ve done no wrong
When you escape from the rush and chemical high
A place to laugh and talk and cry
At home with self, a sign of healing
A peace, a joy, a familiar feeling
As you commune with your Father strength you take
New hope ahead is what you make
As you return to crowd and take your place
Better equipped to run the race
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
October ’22’
- Self Destruction
In life there are patterns for everyone to see
The ebbs and flows, highs and lows, the things that make up me
I didn’t plan to self destruct it just kept on occurring
I could feel it coming from afar, my mind just kept on whirring
The ‘success’ and ‘fame’ life was flying
I expected the fall there is no denying
Success and me didn’t marry
The emotional high I couldn’t carry
I couldn’t cope with being paraded
With recurring behaviours I then traded
I self destructed with my dark friend
The familiar pattern had no end
My friends were left with confusion
He did it again it’s no illusion
The hurt and pain were there to see
The destructive cycle surrounding me
I needed to find a different way
To steadier path, a brighter day
I no longer want to be parading
‘Success’ and ‘Fame’ masquerading
Highs and lows come as they will
The occasional trough and even a thrill
I’m now more prepared for the ride
I meet my friends and then confide
a solitary place to retreat
With my maker I do meet
So can I ask don’t parade your friend
Those in recovery often tend
To be showed off before the world
Their new ‘success’ like a flag unfurled
But the very act can cause a high
They look so great but hide a lie
The fame itself causes pain
To be paraded has no gain
Except to promote false success
Leaving the friend to pick up the mess
Parading addicts point to score
They self destruct as before
I’ve worked in recovery for so long
Now I sing an honest song
It’s time to live again
John Lowton
October ’22’
- Boxes
Those suffering addictions compartmentalise their lives Trying to build boxes to help them to survive Life controlling behaviours closeted away The pain kept in a corner to come out another day The other rooms look perfect, portraying peace and hope The shoes are lined up clean and spaced, “look how well I cope”. It’s all a show for self and friends, as if they cannot see The childhood pain stuck in the corner, the property of me Life cannot be boxed there’s an ebb and flow Between the rooms in your house joy and sadness go If you try to lock your pain away it will break out in other spaces The careful hiding doesn’t work, to appear in public places The embarrassment and shame rears its ugly head from within its box the pain breaks out Be careful where you tread I cannot judge or pick out, the addict, you or me We all have pain locked away to this or that degree A single canvas can be painted as you try to live as one A tapestry with no walls has only just begun Openness, honesty and sharing Not the time for comparing The journey ahead no one else can measure To embrace the pain and find the treasure Unique to you but travel with friends Who you travel with just depends On open hearts and an honest soul across the river and your goal It’s time to live again John Lowton October '22'
- The Secret
My life truly is a miracle. I had a major operation fixing congenital defects to my stomach and oesophagus at the age of 2 then at the age of 53 they diagnosed I had been living my whole life with my colon in my left lung space, a hidden secret my body held. My next poem is about that time in my life My body held a secret, hidden locked away Refusing to come out into the light of day It shocked me when it surfaced and shocked the surgeon too, The most eminent physician amazed through and through I’ve heard the word epiphany and wondered what it meant A moment of revelation, something heaven sent In that instant I viewed my life in a completely different way 3 was 4 and 5 was 6 there’s nothing else to say It all made sense, a light switched on The truth was out, the mystery gone The hidden struggles, I understand Dangers traversed Gods guiding hand The relief was massive, colour exploded The whole of me fully downloaded I knew for sure it’s time to leave The old behind but give space to grieve I’d lived with the secret for so long Needed time to sing a different song Years progressed I embraced the new The change in me was right on cue I don’t understand the process, why I felt so free The missing piece, how it had burdened me I only know that the secret is out I’m free to run and jump and shout I’m free to live again John Lowton October '22'
- Roller coaster
My behaviour started at the age of 10 All week planning, culminating when The turnstile clicked and I entered the ground Sweaty odours as I looked around Heartbeat racing; I took my place The chase, the buzz an emotional race Extremes of tension, highs and lows The final whistle exhaustion shows Drained of energy I went on my way To return again another day In my 20’s I went to church From meeting to meeting I did lurch The emotional energy just as strong The chase, the buzz, just as wrong The addictive charisma, the joy and fun I couldn’t exist I had to run With childhood traumas I had no hope The highs and lows I couldn’t cope The dangers were there for this broken child For comfort and solace I went wild Hidden behaviours my dark friend The traumatic pain had no end At an early age I learned to block Extremes of emotion ran a mock Now I prefer a steady ride From emotional extremes I tend to hide Steady away I prefer to go I want to let the others know To cope with extremes is a lesson to learn The highs and lows I no longer yearn Over time a new path is carved out Steady away I’m reluctant to shout I don’t seek attention, I don’t seek fame You don’t even have to know my name Gradually and slowly I will rise And when I do it will surprise For I’ve been hidden for to long I’ve begun to sing a different song It’s time to live again John Lowton October '22'
- Survivor
Apparently I’m a survivor, this is what they say
Bouncing back from life’s extremes to live another day
I see it in my family, the survival trait is strong
World War 1 and World War 2, a very familiar song
I’ve heard it said a thousand times by well-intentioned friends
The survivor word deep entrenched and the message that it sends
I could be content with survival, at the age of 61
But the reality of life is its only just begun
I’m not content with survival, there is more to life than that
To dress in clothes extravagantly and wear a different hat
My horizon is expanding, colours new in view
Now is the time for living, now I must be true
To give and create expressions full of morning hope
The message in my heart I no longer must elope
When I limit myself away behind the survivor tag
It’s time to rise and run under a different flagIt’s time to live again
John Lowton
October ’22’