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Poems

Next time

Today I watched a group of people harmlessly enjoying being friends 

I was drawn by their laughter and fun unashamedly spilling over, honouring and encouraging one another

It highlighted my own inadequacy and loneliness

In that moment I felt like I had never experienced friendship like that before

and I feared the exuberance drawing me in , lest the pain of my own existence was exposed, 

So, I stayed quiet, my inability to make attachments causing me to watch from a distance, my own silence, a deafening noise

I made a promise to myself, like I had done before, countless times in my life

Next time would be different, next time I will engage, next time

But, I fear the tears flowing uncontrollably 

Tapping in to the very depths of who I am

As I write, my words are like an oil, massaging my body, temporarily offering me a little comfort, 

My honesty brings me one step closer 

For I am fearfully and wonderfully made

It’s time to live again

July ‘23’

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