For me one of the greatest tests of how far a person has progressed in their recovery journey from life controlling behaviours or addictions is how they cope alone with self. I hope a few of you can relate to this poem Self Every bone and sinew, my body screams to escape Tormented by memories, the existence of which strive to shape the very essence of who I am, distressed and ill at ease How can I find rest my heart to please? Bring comfort and companionship to my soul? Some fragrance of life to be make me whole The anguish of spending time in a crowd Of being alone or speaking out loud In case they find out the real me Timidity and fear for all to see communing with demons, seeking comfort from self The hatred and loathing Is on the the shelf For all to see, I’m going insane The instant remedy, to medicate pain engaging in behaviour, escaping me Alone with self I have to flee The magic I seek at ease, at one, The living of life has just begun To commune with self, no strife, content This is how life was meant experiencing life at ease at peace The forgiveness of self brings release It takes time to live new fresh ways To find a way through life’s maze to my soul, be gentle and kind Sound and safe, of right mind The end is in site, able to live with me Me and God, I'm feeling free There’s no other treasure which I wish to own Rewarding, inspiring I’m becoming known At home with self, igniting, firing The horizon nears a complete rewiring It’s time to live again John Lowton November '22'
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