My behaviour started at the age of 10 All week planning, culminating when The turnstile clicked and I entered the ground Sweaty odours as I looked around Heartbeat racing; I took my place The chase, the buzz an emotional race Extremes of tension, highs and lows The final whistle exhaustion shows Drained of energy I went on my way To return again another day In my 20’s I went to church From meeting to meeting I did lurch The emotional energy just as strong The chase, the buzz, just as wrong The addictive charisma, the joy and fun I couldn’t exist I had to run With childhood traumas I had no hope The highs and lows I couldn’t cope The dangers were there for this broken child For comfort and solace I went wild Hidden behaviours my dark friend The traumatic pain had no end At an early age I learned to block Extremes of emotion ran a mock Now I prefer a steady ride From emotional extremes I tend to hide Steady away I prefer to go I want to let the others know To cope with extremes is a lesson to learn The highs and lows I no longer yearn Over time a new path is carved out Steady away I’m reluctant to shout I don’t seek attention, I don’t seek fame You don’t even have to know my name Gradually and slowly I will rise And when I do it will surprise For I’ve been hidden for to long I’ve begun to sing a different song It’s time to live again John Lowton October '22'
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